Portland Monthly 921 SW Washington Street, Suite 750 Portland, OR 97205 Phone: 503-222-5144 • Fax: 503-227-8777

By Fiona McCann and Sam Stites October 13, 2022

Image: Courtesy Shutterstock/John M Poltrack

President Biden is en route to Oregon, no doubt to drum up support for Democratic candidate for governor Tina Kotek who has found herself in a surprisingly challenging spot ahead of the election. But we at Portland Monthly are taking note of both his recent pardoning of low-level marijuana offenders and his subsequent request for a review of how marijuana is scheduled under federal law.

It all puts him solidly in the friends of Mary Jane category.   And h ere in Oregon, where recreational marijuana use has been legal since July 2015, we’re excited to host POTUS and introduce him to the myriad joys on offer in our dank, green state. Behold, TK things Biden can do to get baked while in the beaver state.   

Though Biden is known to abstain from alcohol, surely he could be convinced into a CBD-infused mocktail or two, and what better place to try than the clean, calm surroundings of Hemp Bar. Try any one of the delightful cannabis mocktail s —each one infused with 20 mg of CBD—and perhaps take this opportunity to also pocket some edibles for the day. hempbarportland.com/  6258 SE Foster Rd

If Biden feels like his motorcade is cramping his style as he cruises Portland’s streets, he can trade in the bullet-proof limousine for a tour bus retrofitted to be the perfect vehicle for hot boxing. The Potlandia Experience is a chauffeur for weed enthusiasts, providing a four-hour tour of the city featuring stops at some of the best dispensaries, food carts, and breweries Portland has to offer.   

But these tours aren’t just about blazing up. Potland Experience refers to themselves as “edutainers,” meaning POTUS is likely to learn a thing or two about Portland, Oregon’s marijuana industry, and what makes this a great place to live. The bus—which is known as “The Beast,” (ironically the same nickname as the President’s limousine)—also offers just about every tool that a consummate weed smoke would need, from bongs and blunt wraps to rolling papers and pipes, even snacks and water if the President gets the munchies or cotton mouth.   ( Tours cost $79 per person or $150 an hour for up to 12 people with a 4-hour minimum. They’ll also come and park it outside your event for guests to have a lounge to light up in.)   

POTUS keeps it sharp with his aviator sunglasses and Ralph Lauren suits, so we’re thinking he might be ready for some sweet nail art, a pedi, or some salon treatment courtesy of Nomster nailz , which offers a cannabis friendly mobile nail service.     That means the prez can partake of his favorite strain wherever he may find himself, and get some high-level nail art while he’s, well, high. Better yet, we suggest he adds on a sixty-minute Cannicure, with a CBD spa pedicure, including a CBD sugar scrub, CBD mud mask, and a CBD massage. That’s sure to take all the stress out of this red wave talk.

When President Biden finally decides he’s good and stoned, he’ll want a place to rest his dizzy little dome in a weed-friendly environment. And for that, there’s nowhere better than the Jupiter Hotel’s Oregrown 420 Package .  

The hotel partnered with local dispensary Oregrown to offer a suite that features a grab-bag of weed swag, including a branded nug jar for your flower, a new Pax Era vape battery to enjoy the best distillate cartridges, stickers, rolling papers and other merchandise. Although no cannabis is actually provided, the package gets you 15 percent off in Oregrown’s storefront located just three blocks from the hotel.  

POTUS can grab a couple pre-rolls or pop a gummy and veg out to some basic cable while he waits to catch a concert at the Doug Fir located just downstairs from the hotel.   jupiterhotel.com/ 800 E Burnside St

You know when you’re breezing through the airport and you grab a magazine from the nearest rack to keep you entertained on the way back? Well, this is like the Air Force One for some light reading on the ride home. We recommend Biden get his mitts on a copy of Portland-made Broccoli magazine and dive deep into the psychedelic joys on every page. It’s hard to beat a real-life print magazine, after all (ahem, we would say that).